A metaphor for (mid) life

Seeing patterns, what shows up and so much more in community - how signing up to cold (ish) water dipping has become a mirror for my midlife and our Saltwater Sisterhood

I feel tingling all over. Buzzing. Totally in my body.

Most importantly - alive.

The tingles stay with me pretty much all day.

Like I am in my own skin but also radiating out of it too.

I had never been so conscious of how sea swimming/dipping made me feel until I started the Saltwater Sisters here on the Costa del Sol in February this year.

I have always loved the sea and any opportunity to get in, possibly the antidote to growing up in London. The beach always felt so carefree and open to play.

Having children the beach felt open to me again, but now my ´kids´ are in their late teens, I have realised how much I missed the beach and wanted to reclaim it for myself.

The odd dip with a friend kept me going the last couple years of living here, but I started toying with creating a community late last year, when I realised how much I regularly needed the sea. I wanted to be more in my body, not just my head. There finally came a moment when dealing with some of the trials of midlife and my teens that finally pushed me over the edge to get started. I was pretty sure in that other women might be up for/need it too.

I still felt some resistance though. Mainly, I feared that setting up a group to swim mornings and weekends would take away my ability to be around for my family (& my work). That I would not only be less available, but this could all be a slippery slope to having less focus, attention for them, particularly as weekends have always been sacred family time. When, in fact, I knew the reality was that the teens are barely up before I return and my husband is more than supportive. It was actually really a fear pattern talking more than the reality.

And as I started to organise the dips, I could see, we all could see, different fears and patterns showing up for us all….

Some of these patterns have surprised me, like the brave woman who had not been in the sea for nearly 40 years - she had had a bad experience with the waves as a teenager. She decided to join us on an end of retreat dip as it felt safer in community around other midlife women. Thankfully, she loved it and vowed to go in again when she returned to the UK.

Another Saltwater Sister feared the cold, but also felt strangely drawn to it and wanted to overcome that fear and breakthrough it. She also felt that that breakthrough could and would ripple into other areas of their life (and from what I have seen since it has in so many ways!)

One courageous woman shared how she wasn´t sure about turning up to join a community of women, she had had challenges with female friendships in the past, but with strangers it felt less intimidating. This has opened a whole series of conversations about female friendships - many of us could also relate to her experiences and her opening up gave us permission to share more about this often vulnerable topic (particularly in midlife for so many of us).

Another amazing story came from Gillian who came to the beach determined not to swim. She didn´t feel it was right for her that day and deliberately left her bikini at home. She was just going to watch. The reality was that she had a very different experience when she got to the beach and allowed herself to explore what showed up for herself. I won´t share her story here as she has done so so beautifully on her Substack here, suffice to say it showed her a powerful pattern in her life. Who would have thought it from a simple sea dip?

Other dippers have shared how if they start their day with the sea it grounds them, whilst at the end of the day it relaxes them. The magnetic and neutralising power of saltwater. Combined with being with other women, chatting, laughing, being in our bodies with movement, breathwork, a hot cuppa. To many of us, it feels like a safe place to be, where we can just show up as ourselves and then we can more clearly see and explore our own challenges, habits and vulnerabilities. We certainly have some amazing conversations and explore topics that I doubt we ever would have touched on over a coffee in a cafe or a night at a bar or restaurant.

One thing that I thought would come up a bit was some fear around showing up in our swimming costumes. But the reality is that none of us seem to care what we look like, before, during or after. We wear what we are comfortable in to go in and afterwards wrap up in dressing gowns, big fleeces, our kids´rubber shoes. This is certainly no fashion parade. We are just there for ourselves and each other. Just you wait ´til we get the Saltwater Sisters merch that I am currently working on (that will be a true test us on how much we really care about what we look like!)

Most of the time it takes one dip and then people are hooked.

But it is the first time, as with anything, that is the challenge.

Actually turning up for something as a newbie, even if we signed up to the activity, joined the WhatsApp group, were all keen for it at some point. That can all fade away when we face the reality of actually doing it.

Most of our 30+ WhatsApp group have yet to join a dip. I suspect there are patterns consciously or sub-consciously stopping some from coming along. Yes, busyness, kids, a hangover, work, illness, last minute things happen and change, plus, lets be honest interest may have dwindled since people signed up a few months ago.

But, in my experience, there is usually a pattern that stops us showing up for something we were/are keen on. And if it is showing up there, it is also showing up in other areas of our lives too.

The question is are we willing to hold up the mirror and ask ourselves whether we are really living our lives, is there a pattern holding us back, are we living some areas just on autopilot? With lots of curiosity and compassion too (of course!)

As one inspiring dipper said at a swim a few months back after we plunged fully into the coming waves:

“Going into the sea is a metaphor for life, we either jump in fully or not”.

I´m not saying that sea swimming is a pre-requisite for living a full and expansive life (although for me it is!) More that the degree to which we lead ourselves, are the main character in our lives, living whole-heartedly, as consciously, intentionally, no excuses and in our bodies as much as possible; Those things to me are what embracing this stage of life is all about.

I´ve may not broken through all my patterns just yet, and may never do, but I am going to keep dipping my toe in the water, jumping the waves and going under to keep experimenting and feeling it all - in my full body, not just my head.

Care to join me?

Em

Some questions to reflect on:

What helps you feel connected more to your body?

How can you bring more of this into your daily life?

What unconscious or auto-pilot patterns might be showing up in your life? Work, relationships, health, movement? Curious to explore them? With the loving spotlight of curiosity and compassion, of course.

Saltwater Sisters

If you are on the Costa del Sol (Benalmadena/Fuengirola), you are more than welcome to join the Saltwater Sisters. I always love to hear from other dippers around the globe too.

I am Emma or Em, The Crossroads Coach, I help midlife women - especially those living abroad and navigating major life transitions - move from survival, self-abandonment and disconnection into embodied self-trust and a more fully alive way of living. Do get in touch if you´d like to chat more.

Thanks so much for being here.