The Trip That Cracked Me Open

What an angry flare-up, a sugar spiral and a deep exhale taught me about self-compassion at the edge of open (empty) nest

I´ve just returned from an intense week-long trip to the UK doing university open days and visits with my 16 year old daughter.

I did a very similar trip with my son last year, but this year it hit me - hard.

The night before we left for our 6am flight was my elder son´s school graduation.

_{View from the plane - a new dawn}

What had been partly buried in the flurry of work and trip/graduation preparations were all the emotions.

I knew they must be there and even went looking for them. But I can see now how I ploughed myself into work that week before, even though I still did all my supportive practices too, but without the same intentions and spaciousness, more to get them done.

The practices that this HSP (highly sensitive person) usually holds so dear for my physical and emotional wellbeing proved harder to stick to as we travelled across England in the blistering heatwave (there is a bit of an excuse in there, I admit!). As a consequence, today, a few short days after, I can see how this impacted me and our trip - in particular an angry flare-up, which may have been warranted, but is not how I aspire to connect to my teen (this was subsequently talked about and repaired - I believe/hope). My tiredness and general dis-ease with the trip - I felt a lot of responsibility for the logistics and making the most of it - led to my age-old reliance on food, particularly sugar, to support and comfort me. I kind of knew I was doing it, but my system was pretty overwhelmed to do anything different, not aided by terrible sleep and the stress of an unexpected, but very welcome, high profile podcast interview whilst we were away.

The huge difference for me these days compared to years ago is that I can see these parts of myself and feel them, without pushing, numbing or escaping them - most of the time. And now I move more quickly to forgive myself for the times that I forget. A huge change for my mental health and wellbeing and for how I respond rather than react to my teens - at least most of the time.

Looking back, it is all so clear to me what was going on and how I did support myself with my meditation, somatic work e.g. breathwork, stretching, walking, time alone and reading. But I needed more. I needed more space, more connection to nature (we were visiting cities all week), more water and time in it (no time, nowhere near a sea or swimmable lake).

Returning home, and after a lot of sleep, I immediately felt my nervous system release and reset. Sure, my own bed has helped, plus being with my husband, son and our pets too, in a cooler, less humid climate. But also having my routines, my structure, to support my work, my wellbeing, me.

It has felt like a deep exhale.

A return to me.

A calmer, slower version of me.

Still productive, still functioning, but not on overdrive.

_{Sheffield University quad (a top-runner!)}

The stimuli for last week were multiple and understandable. I have taken some time to acknowledge what went well (my practices, talking with my husband and a great friend) and what I could do differently in future. The main learning for me, yet again, is the need for compassion, self-compassion.

To meet myself where I am and get curious about what is going on mentally, physically, without having to change anything. To acknowledge all the parts of me that were experiencing this - particularly when away from home.

Right now I feel this strange combination of compassion for the part of myself that forgot to offer compassion, but also a slight embarrassment that I did, yet again, forget this important part (we teach what we need to practice most, though, correct?!)

The important acknowledgement for me is that I allow myself to reflect on my experiences, which in the past I would so often just carry on from, straight into the next thing, so everything accumulates. The mental load, the nervous system dysregulation, then things inevitably burst at some point.

This is yet another turning point for me. Particularly at such a profound crossroads in my and my family’s life.

Hopefully one child about to leave (pending A level results) and another next year. Many emotions, mixed emotions.

This is a continued experiment and I know there will be more moments like this in the coming weeks and months as we get ready for our first stage of an open (empty) nest. But I’m meeting it now with more compassion and more tools than I once had - and that, in itself, feels like progress.

Self-reflection Questions:

Are you navigating uncertainty, change, maybe open nest possibilities too?
What has most supported you in similar times in the past?
Where can you bring more compassion to yourself?
What other tools or practices might you like to experiment with right now?

As always, would love to hear your thoughts, reflections, what supports you or not.

Would also love to hear whether you are keen to hear more about this journey, potential tools/practices/a masterclass/series on this as I/we navigate this transitional crossroads time and know so many others are too.